Its a New Year: New You? Again?

I usually  say that making New Year’s resolutions are silly because we say the same thing over and over, but never follow through.  Yes, I am including myself in this.  You know the resolutions we make: I will become fine by next year by losing 80lbs, I will stop drinking, I will stop eating junk food, I will not eat meat, I will own my own business, I will own my own home.  That’s just a few of the resolutions we tend to make. However, in the last couple of years, I have begun to do something a little different. I started making  goals for myself. Some of the goals are short term and some are long term goals that may not be attained within that particular year. The goal could be something that leads to a long term goal. For example, if I wanted to own my own home, I might say that my goal is to communicate with the credit bureau and work on cleaning up my credit. I may say, I will begin putting money in an account that cannot be easily withdrawn from so that I can save up my down payment. Those short term goals, lead to the long term goal of owning my own home.  So this method is something I like to utilize because it allows me to move towards something that I really want to do.

Vision boards are also something that I think are great and very positive. They are very popular these days.  My daughter (age 20) and her friends planned a Vision Board Party. They  decorated their boards and placed things on the board that showed examples of what they want to attain in the future.  About a year ago, myself and the kids, did our own Vision boards. We didn’t do one last year , however, we all looked at our boards and revisited them to see if we were going in the direction of what we noted on our boards. I realized that many of the things on my board I was definitely working toward. For example, I put that I wanted to be healthy and exercise more. I realized that over the last couple of years  I have worked out and walked consistently. I walked or worked out about four times a week and sometimes five. It has become habit to me.  Also,I  ate healthier for the most part. Yes, I had some not so good days of eating, but I definitely ate more healthy meals than not healthy.  I also put a picture of an airplane on my board because I had never flown. This past summer, our family flew for the first time. We flew to Orlando Florida for summer vacation. So I think Vision boards definitely give you direction and help you to focus. I was so proud of what I had accomplished and I want to continue with my goals and continue working on what I want to attain as it pertains to my Vision board. Okay so what are my goals for the new year? Stay tuned for the next blog post. Share your ideas on New Year’s resolutions, goals, or Vision Boards.

Peace

How do you feel approaching the New Year Divorced and Single?

How do you  feel being single and approaching yet a new year divorced and still single? By single I mean not in a relationship. Are you all feeling alone?  Are you feeling sad? Are you feeling like you are not good enough? Are you feeling Positive? Are you feeling encouraged that it will happen in due time? Are you feeling Happy because you are taking your time and not rushing into anything just for the sake of being in a relationship?  Are you feeling fulfilled because you are fabulous anyway? I just want you to think about it. You may be having one or all of those feelings. I sure have. As long as you know that whatever your feeling is, its okay to have them. As long as you understand that the lonely feeling can come even if you have been married for 30years. Anyone can have those feelings. I have felt those feelings when I was in my marriage. I had them before I got married. I have them now. Just remember that we can’t let the negative feelings overpower us. Feel them and move on. Be honest to yourself about them. You hear people all the time who try to seem as though they never have a negative emotion. NOTT!!  Don’t let anyone tell you that you will have positive and uplifting emotions all the time! Its just not true. However, remember to just let the emotions happen, sit in them, pray, and move past them. Enjoy your day!

Re-Energizing

Hello Hello….I”M BACCKKK!!! I haven’t been on here in a while! Last year was a busy year. However, it wasn’t so busy that I couldn’t write in my blog. I don’t know why I haven’t been on here. I missed you all, no doubt. The only reason I can think of as to why I hadn’t been on here, IF I’M BEING HONEST, is that my focus has been on the wrong thing. Yes, it was a busy year teaching and yes my kids (even though they are older), still keep me busy. Nonetheless, I think my focus has not been on what I love, WRITING! It has been on everything else, work, dating, weight loss, exercise. Those are great things to focus on, however, my passion of expressing myself through writing, has been put on the back burner. My time is limited, and I just didn’t plan my writing. I planned everything else;  exercise early morning, go to work, do my after school tutoring, go home cook dinner, prep healthy lunches, and dinners, meet new guys, go on dates, go to church,etc.  However, the one thing that provides me with a stress reliever, I did not DO!! Well two things, Write and SLEEP! I had lots of trouble sleeping last year, as well, ugghhh but that’s a different topic.  I have to tell you all why in another article. But now back to ME BEING HONEST! I have to do better planning things that are important to me! I just have to do better. How do you all do with Planning things that are important for you personally?

Peace and Love

Happy New Year Single Moms and Dads

Hello to my beautiful Divorced, single moms and dads. How are you all tonight? How are you feeling on this New Year’s Eve. I wanted to talk to you all because its so easy to get in down and into that negative thinking. You know that thinking, “Oh Well another year and I’m still Single”, or “My Ex has remarried, why am I still single”, “Am I not good enough”, “Its been ___ years since my divorce and I’m still counting down alone”, and the best one, “Another Year and NO one to Kiss at midnight”.

Am I right, are those some of the thoughts that can creep in your mind, when you let the negative thoughts in? You know why I know those thoughts so well? Because I’ve had them as well. I’ve told myself that I’m not good enough, and that here is another year and I have no one to kiss at midnight. I have said those things at one time or another.

But I want you to know that if you replace those negative thoughts with positive thoughts, then the positive will slowly take hold of you. And wrap you up like a warm blank it. You will feel that positive spirit take hold of you. Once you do, you will realize that its better to be single, than to be in an unhappy relationship or marriage. Remember, there are so many people who are in unhappy relationships or marriages and who are afraid to get out because they are afraid to be alone.

Single Mom and the Second Job

Good Morning beautiful people,

Today I wanted to talk to you all about the Pros and Cons of getting a second job. I know that many people single or not find it a necessary in this day and time to get a second job. There are more and more divorced moms finding the need to find something in addition to the job or career they already have. It seems that one income is not enough to obtain the things we may want or sometimes even NEED. I know it depends on what type of career or job the person has. Of course there are many moms in the upper income bracket who are doing just fine financially. Those are not the people I am talking about here. I’m speaking of divorced or just single moms who have low to middle income jobs, who have the majority of the financial responsiblity for their families. The other spouse or children’s father either barely contributes, contributes when he or she wants, or who does not contribute at all (this would be my situation). The question is, do you think it is a good thing for  the divorced or single parent to pick up a second job? Or do you think that its time taken away from their kids? Do you think the type of second job has any barring on it?

There was a news story here in the city I live in about  a woman who was shot delivering  pizzas for Dominoes’ Pizza. She was a single mom. I forgot how many kids, but I know it was more than two. Her family said she picked up the Pizza Delivery job  as a second job to make extra money. It was such a sad story. I know violence  can happen anywhere, but had this mom not needed to get an extra job, she would still be here with her kids.  But I guess that’s why it depends on the type of second job that you get. I know many people are getting into driving for uber for extra cash. Is this something you would do? I’m not gonna lie, I considered it, but felt that it may be dangerous. I’m sure they have safety measures in place, but its still a scary thing.

Well just some things for you to ponder. I will blog more about Second jobs when I get back. On to my second job…hahaha. Yes, I have a second gig tutoring students. Once I have taught school all day, I do in home tutoring for a tutoring company. Today, school was out, but tutoring continues….gotta go.

Peace and love

 

 

 

I’ ve Missed You!!

Good Morning Good people. I have been away from my site for a little while. I have been bussyyy with work and my second gig and being a single mom. Who says being a single mom gets easier when your children are older? It does not. Especially if they are still needing guidance and are not yet financially stable. I’m speaking of my oldest who is 24 but is in graduate school. Then there is my college baby. Of course she still needs my support financially and emotionally. Then there is my son who is in 9th grade. He just began his first year in high school. So yes, even though they are older, I’m still as busy as ever with them.

I just wanted to let you all know that I am back to blogging. I plan to blog at least once per week. More if time permits. One thing I have been keeping up with is my “thedivorcedsinglemom” Facebook page. Please like and Share my page. We are in this together. I’m speaking of divorced single moms and dads as well. Especially if you have more of the responsibility of raising the kids. We should be here for each other.

This blog will not only be a place for me to share my experiences, this will be a place where I will pose issues that affect single parents in general. I’m hoping you all will talk back to me so that we can get a dialogue going. There may be an issue that you are going through that someone who has been through that can help you with or at least provide some solid advice. However, we do want to keep it positive. I will delete degrading, negative, and cruel comments.

So thank you all for following my blog and I will be back to tell you some things that are on my mind.

Peace and love

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Today is Father’s Day

Yes today is Father’s Day and I would like to say Happy Father’s Day!! Happy Father’s day to the Dads who are in their children’s lives and who are helping to shape their children’s lives mentally, physically, and spiritually. Happy Father’s Day to those dad’s who in spite of a divorce or break up, refused to let that separate them from their children. Happy Father’s day to the Dad’s who would never allow anyone to come between he and his children, not even a new relationship or new wife. Happy Happy Father’s Day to the dad’s who take responsibility financially in making sure their children have the things that they need. Happy Father’s Day to the dads  who do more than show love financially, but are their physically in their children’s lives, who show up and are an important presence in their lives. Children need to know that both their parents are their for them. Sure, one parent can do it and can do it well. I am a living witness of that. But, it sure would have been nice to have some of the burden taking off of me in this last 5 yrs. But I’m okay with the cards I’ve been dealt. I’m a strong single mother and I will continue to do whatever needs to be done to provide my children with all they need, especially love. And today I’d like to shout out the Great Father’s all over the world.

Strength is My Name!!

So I’ve been away far too long. It has been a struggle I tell you. I missed you all. I have had some extreme challenges on my job. The school year was very difficult for a number of reasons that I will not go into. I’m just Praising God that I have made it. I made it!  Being Stressed and going through lots of Anxiety then having to be that Strong Mother can often be challenging. However, what I took from that is that Prayer and not being afraid to ask for help are two things that got me through. I will have more on this topic, I just wanted to stop by and say Strength is my name. What’s yours? If you could give yourself a name that describes your year so far, what would it be? Go ahead don’t be shy.

Peace,

 

Reverb15 Day seven: The Verdict

I’m taking part for the very first time in Project Reverb. Reverb is a way to reflect on the past year and project into the next year with a prompt a day for 31 days. December is the perfect time to reflect on 2015 and start to create intentions for 2016.of where you live in this crazy beautiful world, I’m sure you’ll agree it’s been a BIG year.

Today, I want to acknowledge that you are here and I am here and we are here.

We’re just… HERE.

That feels like a BIG DEAL.

And, that being said, I invite you to reflect on all that this evinces. What are you the verdict of?

(And if you have any doubt that you are a wonder to be celebrated, may I suggest you go back and look at your entry for Reverb15 Day 5?)

As I think of what I am the verdict of, I would have to say, I am the verdict of strength and tenacity. I think about all I have been through this year. I am so thankful to have come out stronger than ever. See, this year has been filled with constant movement. It felt like a world wind. From the time I got up in the morning at 5:30am until I got home that night usually around 8:30 or 9:00. Being an extremely busy single mom. Taking my son to school, going to teach students all day, picking my son up for football practice, picking up other boys on the team who couldn’t get there, waiting for them to practice, taking the boys home, then we would get home, then I would have to figure out what we were going to eat (if I didn’t put anything in the crockpot for dinner), then shower, make sure my son does homework, prepare for work, and finally bed. Then I would do the same thing the next day. Not to mention taking my daughter back and forth to work. Also, the extremely difficult year I’m having this school year. Challenging to say the least.  Yes, it has been a busy year. It has been an emotional year. However,  I am so thankful that God allowed me to make it through.

Yes I think I am the verdict of Strength and Tenacity!!

Lamonica

Reverb15: Day six Generational Patterns!

As each year progresses, we unknowingly gather many thoughts, beliefs, and patterns to us. In fact, what we are carrying may have been passed down to us from previous generations.

Looking at the thoughts and patterns that may be holding you back from living the life you want, trace back through the generations of your family and see if your beliefs originated generations ago.

In 2016, how can you bring healing to these patterns of thought that are holding you back?

I’m going to say, generational patterns of complacency.  Accepting things the way they are. Not really motivating myself to push past what I have already accomplished. I mean, I think I have accomplished a lot. My mom taught me how important education was. She was an educator and she had gotten two degrees before she passed away at the age of 40. But just thinking about my family as a whole, I would say that they worked hard, but just worked to live. Not really aspiring to do greater things. Therefore, I think that pattern has gotten me to accept “just getting by”. I REALLY wanna break that pattern though. Yes, I have gotten three degrees, but I haven’t applied myself to the point where I have reached my full potential, professionally and financially. Of course, I can’t blame it on anyone but myself.  But to answer the question, I think this pattern of complacency is one that I truly need to pray about and get past!

Bringing Healing to those patterns will first of all take prayer. Also, I think telling myself that I’m not going to accept mediocre. Telling myself that constantly would help heal those patterns. I got a lot of great things from my family. Love, honor, work ethic, integrity, and so much more. I will take those things forward with me. Leaving those negative things as a motivation to do better and to grow as a person. And pass these positive things on to my children.

Lamonica